Thursday, November 12, 2009

Worm Rats.

So. I'm here.
Pretty interesting. Reminds me of why I moved. The land is boring, the towns are dead, and my family snap. Good 'ol USA. The town they call big, is so tiny. It makes me miss downtown traffic of Victoria. Strange? I think so. Not having internet access sucks too...I mean I have it, but I barely am allowed to use it. Which puts quite the damper on the communications between Bradley and myself. Not cool. I am actually without him, and it hurts a lot. It is that knawing pain like a burn. Just keeps slowly burning your flesh and throbs.
Not only that but after waiting a few days to actually talk to him, he is grumpy. Doesnt want to talk to me because of work. Ugh! Why cant he just talk to me about it like he always does...this is so frustrating. I know the bad days come with the good...but fuck. I hate the bad days. I try to get past the bad says so the good ones come faster, but it still leaves a mark. :( It aches.

I dont know what to do about it. I dont know what to do about anything.

I went to the "hall" yesterday for a meeting. It was nice...if you like falsehood. It was sufficating. I walked into the dingy hall and caught a wif of the stale air. My dad even agreed. The entire hall was well lit, except for the corners, which I felt was very symbolic. Always in the light people were happy and welcoming, but it was always so bright and sickly sweet. I feel like its halloween every time I walk in. It's always followed by a bitter aftertaste. Every person that came up to me, I could tell they were cringing inside. Thinking to themselves, " Oh my, I wonder if she has..." this or that. You think of something "sinners" do, and I'm sure they think I've done it. Killed cats, small children; sex with anyone who came to me; sold myself for money; fornicated on film; worshoped false idols and gods...oh deary me, I've done it! :/ Least, that's what they would say. It's kind of frustrating. I wanted to answer one of the questions, but my dad leaned over to me and said "you know they wont call on you." Confused, he told me why. It's crazy how steriotypical, narrowminded, and snobby they have become. It's ridiculous. it makes me sick and i really just want to tell them off. Im tired of choking on their synical greetings. Blah.

My brother also needs to learn to be nicer. He yells at everyone for no reason, and is very rude to anyone. If he doesnt like he, he bitches. If he doesnt think its right, he complains. Its nice to be open about your feelings, but learn to control them. Learn to say things nicely and stop putting other people down because of it. Seriously. I got online a half hour ago, and apparently that's enough time to talk to Brad. :/ If he knew, if only he knew.

Hung out with Jori finally. :) :) :) It was pretty awesome! I miss that chika. Too bad she is working and schooling most of the time. :( It's funny, this town. They showed me some weed that they said was "rank".... it wasnt. All I can say was at least it was green. Paid 10$ for a small stem...pretty lame. I wanted to cause shit, but it was from a friend. :/

Yeah, I miss him still. Like crazy. It is horribly only being able to talkto him for an hour a day....aches. I cant believe how much I sleep here though! I think I do it because everytime I close my eyes, I dream about him and me together. That could be it. That or it's boring as hell. Hahahahah! No friends avaliable because theyre working, it sucks!

Thats all I want to write. Forgive my spelling, I didn't get spell check. :/

2 comments:

  1. Aweeeeeeeeh. Make the best of it while you can! I miss you crazily so! <3 xoxoxo
    -Rosiee

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