Im a little mermaid

My first day back at McDs. It's weird because it feels like home when I go there. Maybe because I miss home so much... even the littlest thing that I was doing there will make me feel that little bit more comfortable in a land I have no idea how to control.
Im in a place that I dont even know the names of the streets, the people, the shops and what to do when I wake up. I really would like to actually close at these McDs... maybe close the WalMart one... then it's not as late but still closing. : )
I dont know.
I miss him.
Seems I always get really deep when I actually sit and write out my feelings instead of worrying about the time. It's not even 10... I have time. : ) Not leaving till 3.
So, I'm pretty sure I walked by Rachel McAddams the other day. I talked to my uncle and he said she's building a house near here and his friends at work have talked to her walking around town. Apparently she loves it here and you can see her a lot in town.

Kinda crazy.

Ive been talking a lot with Jim lately. My uncle.
We've actually talked about some really deep things. It's kinda cool. I just had a really upsetting talk one time.. he was kinda drunk.. and yeah. Not so fun. Bout his mom and my mom. Him saying his mom tries to make it so everyone is part of the family... well my mom doesn't feel that way. Granted, she feels really rejected by everyone because of her past. But, it's not my mom's fault. His mom actually said she didn't want us to come to the wedding of my other uncle. Like, that really doesn't reinforce the idea that she is wanting us to be part of the family. I dont get families like this anymore. Where there is so much drama, and stress, and discomfort.
I was so happy coming to my Uncles. They are so relaxed, his wife's parents. They're amazing. The first time I met them I did not feel any discomfort or uneasiness. I was able to just talk and talk when I first met them. They never reject anyone, and actually think I'm a great person. I heard the story about them meeting my uncle. They didnt think twice about if he was good for her or not. I wish there was more families like that.
I know, myself, I have been protective and not wanted to accept who my family has chosen. But, honestly, it's not my choice to make. They have found an attraction, they have found something good about this person that I dont know about. I cant pick that up like they did. My boyfriend, my family doesnt like him sometimes. They have come to like him now, but before it was all negative. I know there is something great about him, they didnt know about. I love him and there is a reason for that. If someone in my family picks someone to be with, they have a reason. I need to trust that, and just be there when things go awry, if they even do.
That's one of the many discoveries I've made living with my uncle. The other is that jealousy is a completely wasted emotion. Why should I be jealous of that girl who walks by, or that model on the page. He's not with them, he doesnt want them, he doesnt love them or crave them. Why do I even worry about it?
It's been a year, and we've been through so much shit... why do I even worry about another girl being pretty? It's not really her fault she's that pretty. It's genes, well, that and hard work. Who wouldnt be attracted to them? The fact that he choses to be beside me and love me, and not chase them is what I need to keep in mind. I mean the world to him, he said so. Jealousy is a waste of my time.
Im not 100% over it, but Im getting there. : )

I dont understand either... why people can not like someone without really knowing them. Like, my stepdad... why does no one really like him? He's not immature and lazy and childish. He's growing up and stuff... he works hard and supports a full family. Like an actual full family. 2 teenage girls and a baby girl. Not even getting to raise the teenagers, he just jumped into it full hearted. How can people think he's a bad person and not like him? It's not fair. I dont like how people can do that.

Well Im gonna get another cup of coffee now!