Im far too tired to fall asleep.

Hey guys.
Im pretty happy with life so far. :) It's like a vacation.
I was having a really shitty last few days however. I was looking for haircuts I could get and one picture with super awesome hair was of Eleesha Cuthburt...or whomever. Brad said he liked that hair cut best. Which, granted, it's really cute. But. He said he thought all the pictures I picked was all her hair. The same girl. I didn't think so so he told me her name and to look it up.
Then I recognized her. The girl next door. Granted, she is very pretty, he didn't have to say it. I thought it was kinda funny he knew her by name and he said "Of course I know her, she's fucking hot!"
Yeah. Not fun. Specially since I asked him early that day if he thought I was pretty or hot or whatever. So, after all I do to try and make myself pretty for him, he said I was pretty. But not like, really super pretty. Thanks babe.
This just really took it over the top and yeah, my spirits kinda died. All over a stupid hair cut.
For a few days I've been really really bummed and on the verge of crying because of that.
Tears, because of a stupid hair cut. Ugh.
Then! Ha! Connor and his dad went swimming, and apparently Connor kept flirting it up with the hottest girl at the pool. Fucking gorgeous apparently. Dave kept going on and on about it. Ughh! Thanks.
I really wanted to just get out of the house. I mean, fuck.
It's a really big problem with me. Has been my entire life, but thank you for being my boyfriend whom I moved across the country to and just making the problem swell.
I do so much to make him happy. I do so much to be beautiful for him. Apparently, it didnt matter because I wasnt pretty enough anyways! Ugh.

So why am I all happy now? Well. I was really rather upset for a couple days and he kept noticing and trying to make me feel better.
His way though, he needs to work on. He said something about how he can have me and he cant have her. To which I respond, awesome, I've been settled for.
But it's all past that now. It is a very big insecurity I have, yes, but I am kind of over it.
Like, my friends from the US, when I went to visit them said I was really beautiful. Looked great. So, I felt all happy, but I wasn't happy when this happened. But I am now...if that makes sense. Like an up, down, up on a graph.

We were making pizza last night, just him and I. We made these awesome pizza pocket kinda deals, which tasted amazing btw!
And I wasn't feeling great, so he walked up to me and held my head in his hands and looked into my eyes and said
"You're not pretty Allie. You're beautiful, and you're mine."
Which...made me cry a little bit. Kind of overwhelming to hear that. But, I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I am too sensitive about these kinds of things.

I am so happy he is in arms reach. :) He is really a great guy. He's just never been in a relationship this serious. Which, neither have I. I dont know how to act, and he doesnt. We're learning from each other. It's nice though, to learn. It makes us closer, and I love him close to me. :) Its really nice to roll over and have him sleeping there with an arm around me. You have no idea how amazing comforting and safe I feel. And when he hasnt seen me for most of the day and he comes behind me and hugs me. Blah. So perfect.
Haha! I walked to McDonalds to see him and he did what he always did to me in Sidney. Popping his head around corners and bobbing around. Huge smile on his face. :) It was even better because the people who were back with him told me that he was so happy to see me and it made his entire day. <3
Gosh. He's so great. :)
The problems we have are mainly our "learning moments".
But yeah. It's pretty awesome here.

Sometimes I feel bad and stand there like I dont know what to do when Dave and Brandie are home. I feel uneasy around them a lot. I just need to get past it I guess.
Im not looking for a place yet, I've stopped that. Rather get a car and a job first. :) I have about 5 jobs lined up to apply for. I really wanted to get somewhere that it wouldn't affect if I was on crutches. :)
Reception.
Yay! My cure. :) Also, there are a few management jobs in offices that I can apply to. :) up to 15$ an hour! I think that's pretty good for me.
Ive also found a few places for Brad to apply that make more and he'd have more fun with. :)

Oh. That's another thing that really worrys me. His friends.
Or.. lack of them.
He really tries to have friends, but it really hurts to see them not make an effort with him. I love him to bits, and I know he's amazing. I wish other people saw.
He has better luck talking to girls...and the guys he works with who do pot or such. The girls thing, I dont get jealous about. He grew up with girls around, and his dad. The girls he knows how to talk to because of that, and the guys with drugs because of his dad. But. It hurts when he will see them walking and he waves or something and they avoid him. I want to cry so much. I wish he had someone, like a best friend that lived here.
Mike. Was supposed to be in town and hang out with Brad, but he never did. I could tell he was pretty upset about it, but he didnt say anything. :( I wish he had friends like he did on the Island. Granted, he was at Chev and Mcds, but he had them. They cared about him and he had places to hang out and not always be at home with me. I feel so bad that he cant get out and be with his friends. :( I feel horrible inside when he cant. Because I know eventually I'll have friends that want to hang out with me, and Ill do that. But he wont. :( And It makes my heart ache that he cant have a guy to be with. Like Will, Mike, Kyle or Justin. :( Even Dan for fucks sake. And Steve. :( It killed me inside when we were walking and that guy totally avoided him. I would be crushed, I wish I knew how he was feeling about it.

Dont know what else to say and it's almost 2. So, peace! Gonna go watch the Tinkerbell movie, you know you're jealous! :)
BTW, I watched district 9 last night. Fucked. Up. Movie.
Really boring at the beginning, wanted to turn it off. But it got so much better. I enjoyed it. :) Anyways. Fucked up movie.
Bye!
xx

Oh and apparently my name in my voice mail is Mango Star. xD Yay me!