Red head, bed head.

It's been a few days. Figure I should update. I kind of like this idea, because then people I dont see very often can still feel updated in my life. :) Not out of the loop!

So today .... sucked.

Started off waking up at 8, which is good because I need to start waking up earlier. However, it sucked. I work at 2, and my throat was very soar. Scratchy. My head seemed like it was about to explode. So, I got all ready for work at around 12. Showered, did the hair, the usual. I figured if I went in early and had some tea it would all be better. :) Wrong. It wasn't better, and it wouldn't for the rest of the night. I have to work tomorrow at 9 am. Shift verification. Blah. So...I thought maybe if I did well that night I could leave early so I could sleep and be well rested for tomorrow. Verdict? Nope. My retard of a boss was there and she had to close. So, of course I couldn't leave. She does nothing so sick little me had to stay. I am serving food...I shouldn't be there! Management sucks ASS! Everything is great about it normally, only you still have to work when you are sick. D: LAME! I swear I was tricked into this position. It's so bad. I feel like Chris now, I understand how he feels. I talked to him about it tonight, why he has started to care less and less for his job. He is pushed to do so much but he is never recognized for it. Im pretty sure I am going to get treated the same way, and I am not up for that. I really am upset at how my boss thinks that by promoting me will stop me from moving away, or getting another job. Screw that. Whether I am a manager or not has no difference on if I move or not. I am going on vacation for over a month, and I am going to leave in a few months. The management is very nice of my record....but that's all I am one for. I would much rather just stay crew honestly. Other than the pay increase also.. :)
I also found out tonight that my boss has never worked at another job. McDonald's is the only job she has ever had. I have already had at least 4 jobs.
Also speaking of work; I pretty much broke down for the first time and cried at work. I haven't done this yet, and I've been able to hold it together. But today it seemed to be too much. What made me madder about it, was that people talked to me like I need to just "suck it up" and be strong. Fuck you. Honestly. You have no idea what I have delt with in my life, what I have gone through, what I have felt. You dont realize how strong I actually am, how much of a rock I am. I am very emotional, and I get hurt. But the amount I can actually hold within my heart and my head without breaking is emense. I hate being talked down to like that, especially by someone who clearly has not gone through anything to the extent I have. I never talk about what I have gone through to people to make them respect me or think higher of me. Not once have I used my experiences to get pity from people. I feel that is stupid, degrading, and childish to do such things. I will just take what I experience to heart and learn from it. Don't you dare look me in the eye and tell me to "suck it up buttercup." Like I am some spoiled child who just lost my allowance. It pisses me off. I am so strong and can hold so much in, take so much of a beating in life. It's ridiculous. I wouldn't be giving this chance to grow, and to understand the true pain and loss it is to have the one I love leave me, if I couldn't handle it. That is my view. If I couldn't handle it, it wouldn't be giving to me to deal with. Im just so tired of being belittled like that. I am a force to be reckoned with.

Oh right! Why I cried. :)
Everything at work was going relatively well. I had a nice laugh when I came into work today and found Kalen in a crew uniform...plus hat. :p He forgot his managers shirt...so it was great fun. We all got a good chuckle out of it. But as time went on, he made this joke. He was "cheating" on me with Kiera and I was the one that gave him sex, only I wasn't putting out so he went to her. Who was sensitive and wrote him poems and they were planning to get a tattoo together. I knew it was perfectly pinpointed at myself and Brad. Pissed me off a lot and I didnt talk to him after that. It really hurt, and then after that I got a text from Brad. He was explaining his day and such, normal text. Then at the end he said oh! I forgot! and since the text wouldn't hold more I waiting for the next to come in. The next said that he forgot to tell me he was madly in love with me...and was going crazy without me beside him. It was the sweetest thing I have ever read from him. I was fine and could hold it together a little while, then I looked at Kalen from behind for a brief moment and thought it was Brad. I almost ran up to him and hugged him, that was when I couldn't take it anymore. Im very tired of him not being here, now with me. My heart tells me to get a credit card, buy a ticket, and go see him now. No matter what the consequences are financially. I know, however, in my head that I cant do that. I have too much here to deal with. I have my job, applications for college, my friends, my family, everything. I cant leave it now, and it tears me up inside every time I think about it. I am so stuck here, that it kills me. Kendra wouldnt be able to bear it without me. She went crazy when I left for the summer, and now that I have moved out she cries every time she sees me. I couldnt leave her, not now. Im her hero, I cant just abandon her. She's my best friend. I actually had a dream last night about Brad and myself. We had a little girl, only she wasnt born yet. He came here to get me and bring me back to Ontario. I remember vividly how I was laying on the couch and I heard him tell his sister that he wanted to be with me forever. He wanted our little girl and myself to have the best lifes possible and he was going to do everything in his power to make it so. I am pretty sure I woke up crying. :/ It's been an emotional few weeks. Sucks.

Coolest thing happened though. I am sitting here at my mom's house, and my friend brought me soup. :) Not just any ol' soup...home made amazing chicken noodle soup. <3 He is really a great guy, wish we could find him someone to cheer him up.

Im pretty sure it's past 12 and I was aiming to be in bed at 11. So.....good night!
xoxo All my love Bradley xoxo